Growing Up and Away

As i sat there, all i could think about was the slow moving time and the beautiful stitches on people's shoes. Then it struck me, have i out grown this?

I could no longer understand it. It was as if I was brought back 10 years, and made to live life through those years again. It made me wonder though, is this not okay? That we remain in our youth or childishness and not change because correct me if I'm wrong, the one thing we always ask when it comes to men and boys and boyfriends and husbands is : How/Why did he change?

But thinking about it, i think its worse when people DON'T change. When things seem to be at a halt for more than 10years. Because awesome things and significant learning and wisdom, surely comes with growing? Growing changes someone from a 10 year old girl to a 18 year old woman? But what happens when we reach 18, or 21 or 30 and we never actually changed from being 10 years old.

The world we have today.

We have world leaders thinking life is like a video game where countries could be bombed away and everything would be okay. We get grown ups that don't take responsibility for their actions. We get grown ups who are in fact kids. So how then does a country or a society grow as a whole? That would mean being stuck where we are today, for the next i dunno how many years?

I think even in relationships, its when you don't grow together and think that all you really need is to be stuck in those wonder years of your 20s, that problems and issues seem to creep in. Its when two people grow together,as hard as that may be, and discover new things and new knowledge that they didn't have in their 20s, that's when relationships have a chance of lasting.

So, we need kids who GROW up. We should be able to sit in a group of 15 year olds and then see the difference when we sit in a group of 21 year olds. Shouldn't we?

What is my problem with Tamil movies?

Now many would think me unfit of commenting on anything remotely Tamil or Indian. That's probably because i don't pray, or wear sarees every day, don't believe in marriage and the thalli, and yes because my spoken Tamil needs more than just a little work. But just to set the record straight, I think I'm probably more Indian/Tamil than people would like. I've lived through the culture, the rituals, the praying, and then i lived through the internet, the reading, the feminism, the books and grew. Put me on a checklist, and i would tick off 5 or more than the streotyped Indian characteristics. I have wavy hair, big eyes, long lashes, dark skin, i eat with my fingers (cause i love licking them after!), i talk too loud, i love the noise and chaos that comes with people and relatives, i like mashed up vegetables, i read and write Tamil? But wait, those arent actually just Indian are they? Maybe the physical features, yes, that's just DNA and genes, but everything else is just me as a person. I must have been influenced of course, by my parents, but also by my friends? my teachers? books? the internet? and yes...movies!

Also contrary to popular belief, I have seen quite a number of Tamil movies, most by force i would have to say. But at the same time, i would like to thank my Mom especially, because i sincerely feel i would be unapt to comment on Tamil movies if i wasn't put through each 3hour musical every once or twice a week. I've seen enough tamil movies to tell me that they all have a pattern. Ok let's forget the 5/6 songs in each of them, cause okay a little dance never hurt anyone? And the unrealistic fight scenes, where the hero takes on 10-20 people and flies through the air, stops in mid-air and delivers a kick that knocks them all out!

But the one pattern that is totally unacceptable are all the Indian women portrayed in ALL of these movies. The storyline of each movie is usually about the same old same old i-love-that girl but i'm a parayah. I've seen some awesome movies too i will admit, but definitely nothing revolutionary in the past 10 years or so? Ok maybe one comes to mind, and biographies aren't always that bad. But the idea, that the old movies that were awesome WAS awesome because it dared to tackle social issues way back then, it dared to be different. Now, yes we do have movies about men and women of different castes getting married, but after what? After a 20 minute fight scene, at least one girl being raped or molested, an evil father, and then the HERO (cause that's the way real life is, we all need a Hero to save us!) rescues the girl and ties that thalli. What message is this? That all men are supposed to be born Heroes that every girl needs? That racial discrimination can only be settled by a 20 minute fight scene? And what happens to all women?

I understand that it caters to the Indian majority back in India, but that is the whole issue here. Not just for Tamil movies but for movies in general. Media has so much of responsibility to influence and educate the public and here we are sending them all the wrong messages! I am not saying there are no SUCKY english movies , yes there are! But today i shall tackle Tamil movies, and the one major flaw i do not see in english movies, the role of women in society. Women in western movies have evolved! Beyond the point that now SEX, is no big deal! Yes they have sex, but then they also have awesome careers and amazing lives. Correct me if i'm wrong, but the main argument for Western movies coming from a Tamil movie fanatic would be that : Women sleep around, and that degrades our society and our values! Women have affairs, and that degrades our society and cultural values!       But really, who are we kidding? Everyone has sex! And there's absolutely no reason why it's only totally unacceptable that women have sex or have affairs!

And I for one, am totally fed up, with the society that has been created by Tamil movies and its likes, even here in Malaysia. I've never been able to walk anywhere without one guy singing a Tamil song to me, or screaming at me to look at him or whistling as i walk by, or say demeaning vulgar things about my body and how he'd like some of my sugar! When did harassing women become okay? When did it become the norm? I believe Tamil movies only fuel this on. It only makes it okay, that THAT is courting, and soon i WILL as all Tamil movies, drop something on the ground, pick it up and look into his eye and fall in love with him. I believe Tamil movies contribute to the abused women sitting in the corner of a house somewhere, thinking that the biggest sin would be to get rid of the "thalli" and leave her husband. I believe Tamil movies contribute to a woman being slapped across the face and thinking that its okay because it is the right of a man or a husband. I believe Tamil movies tells women that if they're raped, they should feel so ashamed of themselves that they might consider suicide, or to marry the animal that raped them. I believe Tamil movies only further enforce the male supremacy attitude that is stopping Indian women from developing as people, as contributors of a country. I believe Tamil movies only fuel on the ego that is MALE and unravels all the work feminism has been trying to achieve in the past 50 years!

I am OKAY with ridiculous story lines, but i feel social issues that matter, like FEMINISM should be addressed in Tamil movies, if we're ever going to change the mind sets of the community we're in. For once, I want to like a Tamil movie because it addresses that women are just as likely to be HEROs and to save the day, or better that we are human beings like men that have careers and personalities and contributions to the country and the world and not only be in the movies to fall in love, to marry, to be raped, or to be saved!

Feminism after Boyfriends and if we must, Husbands!

So what is this i hear about saying No to feminism once you've found that frog to kiss?

People find it hard to accept the fact that yes we can be feminists even after marriage, or being in a relationship. I'm often faced with the same remark everytime I say "Fry their balls!". I think the act of feminism always comes back to the idea, that if you are a feminist, then you must naturally REALLY want to fry all mens' balls! Hmm....idea? But no, in all seriousness i think this cannot be more misconstrued. Feminism i think is logical. It is what anyone should be. Regardless of gender. It's no big secret that women ARE the mistreated, abused, disadvantaged group of people here. So i would think anyone who feels such a way, would be a feminst. I don't deny that there are human rights violation against men as well, but who are the unavoidable perpetrators?  Unfortunately, men themselves.

This weird idea that feminism has to exist by itself, independently, away from family ties and boyfriends and husbands is just not acceptable. And also the idea that all feminists are usually gay? What is that? Another male invented pornographic image that even the mere idea of women fighting for their rights is made into a display to give them yet another hard-on.

Because women, are just NOT the standing up and fighting type, we're not even the driving type, or the voting type. Well we weren't any way.

Yes feminism has come a long way, we can vote, we can drive, we can ride on buses, but is that enough? No! Feminism is very much still relevant if there are still women being stoned to death in Iran, women being raped every minute of the day, women being abused by husbands, women made to feel ashamed of their bodies, women made to feel ashamed of being a woman!

And I'm just putting it out there but i feel, if any feminist out there, was with a man who feels the same way, then YES its ok if he was a feminist too! What is wrong with this picture? Nothing. The fact is, women are STILL being abused and raped and murdered, remains even if you are married or have a boyfriend.

I mean the whole arguement that if u have a boyfriend or are married, then you cannot think that men are kinda sucky mostly. That's like saying, i have a father so i cant possibly think that there are any mean fathers in the world, or mothers for that fact!

You could be a manist i guesss, but i would think the number of men being discriminated against and abused, is way less than women, that that would be a pretty insignificant thing to do. Then there's the humanists, the ones that say they're no sexist, that they're in it for the whole human race, i'm sorry but that makes you a feminist! Because there is just no way human kind is ever going to be the best it can, without women being part of the equation, and humanists cant exist until there is equality between women and men. That would just mean you're a humanist, but the majority of things that you would be advocating would be for women, thus a feminist disguised as a humanist.

I'm no big fan of labels, but being a feminist is perhaps the only label that i've ever felt close to and proud to be. So i guess if all men out there, refuse to be called feminists, but still are being part of the solution instead of the problem, who think women deserves the same amount of respect as men, deserves the same amount of everything as men do, then they're ok. But then again, I'm thinking if there were such a man, i would think labels wouldn't bug him.

Striving for better.

Right, so the past month has not been a good month for feminism. I feel it's a long long hard uphill battle and nothing is helping.

I've been around deaths a lot recently being posted in hospitals and making my rounds in the wards. And it's really made me think about life , weirdly. My biggest fear is death, but it is the only thing thats certain. YOU will die. Its not an IF.

And being around friends and family, and to hear about dreams and aspirations, It's funny how all most of us do, is just find a way to fit in life,to move along like sheep , to take standard dreams that have been put in place by races and religions and call it our own, to believe it IS our own.

Talking to many of my friends, it's really just astonishing to hear about how too many people STRIVE to get married! Ok, so i don't get marriage to start with but fine, you want to get married, OK! but to strive for it? Have we really become so mundane? Girls i speak with, tell me a detailed series of what they want to do till they're 25, then they say, 26 i get married! Then the worst part....They stop talking! So i naturally think they need to take a breather for that 4 years or life narration, turns out that's it! That's life as they know it.

When did marriage become the ultimate thing to achieve? How does life stop after marriage? Can't we still be feminists after marriage? Can't we still climb Mt.Everest? Would we die if we left our fragile husbands to fend for themselves, or worst COOK for themselves and took a month off to go to Africa?

It's absolutely saddening to think how most girls think that marriage is the ULTIMATE! Yes it is an experience, an adventure maybe even to live with someone else and share your life and all your sleeping habits, but should it really be the end of experiencing anything else? Alone? With other friends?

Say what you will but marriage seems not good enough of a reason to stop dreaming and aspiring for bigger better things!

And how horrible is it that only women DREAM of getting married.

It's awesome if marriage and all its equivalent is just another experience in life, and women get to do so many other things than just tend to their husband's needs and pop out children. That i think is ideal, and what women who want to get married should strive for.

If half the women out there put in as much effort and care as they put into taking care of the household and their babies and their husbands, change in the world would come so much easier.

Xs

I think 2010 has every other couple out there on the edges of their seats just to tie the knot and take that long jump into oblivion! It's got me thinking about all those movies, when just as the bride or groom says I DO, some jealous heart broken ex starts banging on glass mirrors and start screaming their names!


Ex-es! They're always drama. All that talk about mutual friends, mutual break ups, is almost bullshit. The chances are someone loses interest or discovers some nasty habit of yours they just cant stand or decides career comes first and just leaves.They probably move on to bigger better things and in 2 weeks or 2 months are in a new relationship. Then the someone else always always gets left behind.


Drama always exists when exes do. The jealous ex, the heart broken ex, the desperate ex, the egoistic ex, the EX!


No ex is a hundred percent cool i think, when they find out you're with someone else and they're alone. Constant questions will be running through their minds about what's so special about this new heart throb of yours, what went wrong, why cant you just be together. 


Of course if you ever do get over your ex, in the quickest amount of time, i say YAY! But I'm just saying that's really rare, well from what I know at least.  


Why all the drama though? Is it that hard for us to move on? I get it, the sharing, the trust and all those memories, but life's too short, and chances are there's gonna be maybe hundreds or more men/women out there that are everything he/she was and a million things more!


I think most of the time, the easiest thing you can bank on for wanting to get over someone, is that huge ego of yours. Come on, we all have one! Just tap into it and remind yourself how awesome you are and what an incredible loss it is for that other person. You could just click your fingers together, and ba-da-ding the next guy/girl is at your feet begging to take you out for a drink!


I guess for me at least, it's easier to not have much to do with exes, because of all the memories and the awkward moments that get retold/relived whenever you see them. I don't really know when that goes away, or can it ever? 


If you're one of the people that can be the bestest of friends with your ex, have late night dinners with her new boyfriend or his new girlfriend and talk about memories and laugh about it, that's absolutely great!


But if you're not, I think give yourself a week or two to wallow with ice cream, pick yourself up with your new found ego , start defacing their photos, erase his number from your cell phone and get yourself out there for a new better person to come along, cause they always do! 

The birds that suddenly appear!

I think i owe it to myself to do something special to commemorate the fact that I've started (sllooooww) on my assignment! And what's more special than updating a blog I've ignored for far too many times! so here i am!

So I've been thinking of what to blog about. Life's been pretty mundane these couple of months, well all except maybe how there's a skip in every step i take, or chirping birds wherever i go, or rainbows and bright flowers by the pavements! well MORE than usual of those at least. But i think Jane Austen or Emily Dickinson says it better! So I'll refrain.

But how weird is that? That the best love stories, comes from ladies that spent their whole life alone. When i read "Persuassion" i was convinced, and adamant that the only person i could ever ever see myself with was someone like Captain Frederick Wentworth. Ok i guess that may not say much, i felt the same way about Spiderman! But still, do these men exist?

Of course not! If they do, I've certainly not met them, and i don't think i would! Maybe that's why they were alone? Cause who could live up to the amazing characters they created in their books, or have that amazing love story with the poofy dresses and the green fields and the castles and the mansions and men dressed in weird coats riding along with horses!

Think she missed out? Well if she had enough imagination and magic to create such a wonderful world on paper, for it to live on for all these years, i think no! All that fantasy is a lot more nicer than the real deal. And back then, i think a woman's libido was suppressed to the point of non-existence but if she did have one, i hope she got her share of nasty.

We're all so scared to end up alone. Die alone mostly i think. I don't know what exactly does a person mean when they say alone. Is it even possible to be alone? I think it takes more effort being alone, then being around people. There's always family! And the family that comes from family eventually. The chances are, if you're going to end up alone (average family only has ONE single unmarried spinster cool aunty!), your sister or brother would have all found their frogs! And they would have gotten married, and had 4 amazing children and 2 dogs! Then there's friends. Ok, so maybe you wont be able to die with them, but still, for all the other times! The vacations you can take together, and just the sharing! It doesn't have to be 20 friends, 1 would do. I think life's all about sharing the experiences, there's nothing more amazing than doing something you love, with someone else around to seep in all that joy and to share that moment with. But who's to say that person can only be the love of your life?

When it comes to dying, guess I'm equally traumatised that dying alone can't be the way i would want to make the crossing over, but I'm pretty sure i wont! I've got an eloborate plan in my head about lurking outside my sister's house till she finally takes me in just when I'm at the verge of starvation, and then BOOM! I'm in baby! This can be when I'm about 65,when I'm expecting my first stroke and all the complications of my diabetic eating habits to start kicking in! I'll just move straight into her basement and live happily ever after and never die alone!Aaaahh, the life!

But if the actual DYING is the only reason someone thinks its absolutely important to find a man and get married and have kids, then what we really should be doing is setting up an organisation or an online community of some sort so we can lend a hand (literally!) to someone on their dying bed. We could have scripts of comforting words to say, and could sing to them or dance for them if they wanted to. A charity! Who wouldn't want to make a cute old person before they die? It's the most an hour (?) out of our normally usually mundane life anyway, so why not? I'd DEFINITELY have something to blog about then.

And to those that think finding that one true love is absolutely neccassary, well i wish them all the luck! But heck, if your knight ain't out there, then either accept the fact that the people around you are good enough or settle! Eventually, everyone learns to love. If it's not the knight, then it's the horse! So settling  is fine i guess, if we're all so terrified to find out what life has in store for us A.L.O.N.E. And I'm trying my best to be okay with decisions other people make, as long as they're happy! Only thing that ever matters, is happiness, wherever you find it, how and whoever you may find it with. And our minds pretty amazing, if you believe you're happy, then you are! Just takes a little faith believing that settling is just equally as good as the real deal. And I'm actually convinced, that in time....it is.

Contemplating Vegeterianism!

I just realised that this post had been saved as a draft for too long, so i might as well post it now! You gotta know when i'm posting on my blog, that means ASSIGNMENT or HOLIDAY! unfortunately, its the former this time. So I'm just going to add in highlights the updates to my vegetarianism mission. Woohoo a post!!

Post begins :
I'm suddenly beginning to grow much fonder of vegetables. Meat-eating is just getting sicker and sicker as i imagine the foul horrible cruel way chickens, lamb are slaughtered! Ugh.... Yes yes, it's still sick! This sentence made me laugh though, i should stop writing the way i have it all in my mind! Just sounds too exagerated ! but SICK none the less!!

And it's hard, EXTREMELY hard to give up meat, at least for me, so I've got a plan. It involves a lot of complaining and forcing, but it's a plan alright. Absolutely no complaining now, or forcing! weeehheee!! In fact, there's complaining for NOT ENOUGH vege in the house!!

First, I'll probably start with just getting down to ONE type of meat. Chicken probably. Working not bad, gotta get off the chicken!!

Next, I'll probably start making my mom FORCE me into eating vegetarian food like 3 times a week. I have a few vegetarian dishes i absolutely love. Might stick to those few before venturing to brinjals *yuck!* Have discovered the quite aweseomeness of brinjals *yay!* and no forcing required, any vege is good vege! close my nose and swallow!

I suppose maybe a few months of this, might make it an easier transition to become a vegetarian all together. I hope it does.

Or maybe start with not eating meat when i go out? Nasi goreng, Maggi Goreng.

I should start, i need to start. I already have actually. It seems absolutely pointless feeling so horrible for those poor dolphins in Japan, when chickens and cows and lamb are still being slaughtered probably not in a very different manner. Maybe more cruel. Wee! have started and still sticking to it!

I absolutely don't eat exotic meat or any other unordinary meat. So that's good, one less thing to not concentrate on giving up. Yes! and i've been refraining from trying any other new meat, don't need to get addicted to any more meat!

Blaahh.....those poor animals. I might as well imagine Pepper being bred to be slaughtered! the horror.

Something needs to be done. New resolution : Stop eating meat.  Along with many other things; learn to play the guitar, start jogging EVERYDAY.

Now all i got to do if find something not meaty that's edible in MAHSA's cafetaria. LOL! MAHSA's cafe is actually not that bad, we just make fun of it too much. So yes, i actually eat more vege food when I'm in college, lots of beans and egg!! YUM! all i need to survive on my vege diet! so MAHSA's doing good!!