Indian Weddings I like!

Indian weddings are the best BESTEST! It's the only time EVERYONE gets together! And if there's anything I like, its a house filled with loud funny weird crazy non-privacy-respecting cousins and relatives! Well for that 3 few days at least.

I'm calculating after the recent MAJOR wedding that took place in our family, that it's just the first of MANY MANY! It just takes the first to get the ball rolling. Now, i hear my other cousins and all are under the pressure of tying the knot too. Marriage! Beautiful yet scary yet thought provoking?

I'm all up for culture! Always!! But in weddings, it perplexes me to watch cultures/traditions carried that I cant help but feel a little uncomfortable with. I cant help but find some traditions quite discriminating.

Like for instance, I noticed in most (all?) of the weddings I've been to, that the bride ALWAYS comes out for the first time as the "shy, bashful bride" . The bride looks at her feet at all costs, and if she forgets and by natural habits(ahh the horror!) starts to bring her head up, her faithful "bride's-maid" is ever ready to push that stubborn head back down. I'm thinking, it's your wedding and you should be able to see all the amazing people that came to your wedding and all those shocked/happy/jealous faces looking at you in your BEAUTIFUL saree. There's no harm in walking with your head looking at your feet, if someone is INDEED that shy, but I'm pretty sure they do it out of culture and tradition. Brides have to be shy. Chances are, you've known your partner for a nice hefty 4 years or more, so who is really EVER THAT shy?

Then there's the main event, that whole process of actually tying the knot! I know there's the washing feet ceremony that both the bride and bridegroom does for each other. And then they wear those cute toe rings for each other and all which is totally cool cause they both do it.

So I'm wondering, why is it that the "thalli" is only worn for the women? And i know older generation of women, think its an absolute CRIME to part with it on a normal day, and ESPECIALLY on an event like weddings or dinner, where ALL the what-the-hell-is-your-name relatives would be there. The "thalli" is displayed very proudly with their beautiful sarees. If a woman doesn't wear her ""thalli", something would just have to be wrong. The gossips and rumours would start.

So since only the girl wears the "thalli" then its only for the girl to give out a message , "I'm someone's wife." But wait wait, the men have their rings, but so do the women, so what is the need of this EXTRA string around someone's neck? And the absolute weird thing of how much importance and power it's given.

In a world so modern, where equality is all we strive for, definitely this tradition should be amended? I know I would feel absolutely weird if someone wear to tie something around my neck and for me to feel proud of it. If at all it should happen, I would wanna have the right to do the same.

And also, with all these snatch-thieves around, and the crime rates increasing, that we still want to wear these chunky pieces of gold chain and walk around. Surely safety must triumph over culture! And even the fact that we choose to wear them, or the rings at all times to show we're married? What exactly is the point? We NEED to show people we're married? Why? What has changed from the day before when you were merely a couple with no document forcing commitment unto your relationship?

So many things that come with marriage. I would think that the only reason sound enough to get married is in fact for security; that in the case of a spouse deceasing, you're not left to fend for yourself or with nothing to fall back on, or or security for future children.

The fact that people only live together after marriage and everything else, is merely just culture and the way each of us choose to see our roles in society. I know it's a big No - No for Indian couples to live together, before they're legally registered or engaged. It's absolutely crazy the social restraints we put on ourselves. If it feels right, do it! I am now living by a new motto : Life's too short, baby! Live it!

Then there's the walking around the fire, three times. The man leads the way, pinky finger in pinky finger with the bride. At no time in this ritual does the woman ever walk in front of the man. Why? After asking around, it makes perfect sense that this just means that the man holds the responsibility of taking care of the woman, leading in life; leading them in life, and being the leader in general maybe? Only once, i watched the girl taking over the man in the last round around the fire (watch: Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam *sappy movie that i absolutely LOVE with all its ridiculousness, forgiven because of its songs and the colours!*) just to tell her lover that the reason of this act is to die first, before him, the pain of living without him would be too much. That was the meaning of the last round. A sweet gesture but WTH? Is that the only thing we're allowed to "lead" in? I would be totally fine with my lover leading there. =)

So maybe, the women could also go three times around the fire, with them leading the way the next time.

I guess it would be a huge HuHa if someone were to alter these things, but everything starts with a first right? Cultures have been amended so many times before. We don't burn ourselves to prove our innocence or purity anymore as Sita did. We don't expect the women to have a full meal prepared on shiny silver platters for the hardworking husbands anymore or for the women to only belong in the kitchen and no where else. So traditions and cultures can be amended! as it should! All we need is a liberal/radical priest, a bridegroom up for a change and a hall full of people ready to be taken on an eye-opening journey! (*reasons provided on a projector screen)

Weddings are beautiful if someone does want to go through it. A small nice wedding ceremony joined by the utmost important people you KNOW are genuinely happy to see you getting married and not just waiting to run to that buffet table. Something simple that doesnt dig so deep into your pockets that leave you in debt for the next 10 years, that's remembered solely as the day you shoved your love down their throats!