Spinster the new IN-Thing!

With all the recent weddings, and more to come, there's just going to be pressure on all my other single cousins, relatives, friends I'm sure. What is this pressure anyway? Like finding a soul mate or "true love" has its age limit?

I'm often greeted with shocked faces, mocking ones when i say " When I'm 50!" if someone asks me when I'm gonna get married or start dating! So what if i were 50, I'm sure many people have been there!

I think for most women, its before 30, we've GOT to get married and have the first kid before 30, then we're set! Our lives will be a-okay! It's so crazy this weird constraint we have on ourselves. Yes giving birth after 30 has its risks, but that cannot be the only reason we force ourselves to find someone and get married! Or worse, find someone solely to be married before 30! We have got to be more than baby-bearing machines. And besides, what ever happened to adopting? All those poor kids out there without a loving home, and here you are ready to offer one, so why not? And who says all women must be ready to have a kid before she hits 30. It's absolutely ridiculous that we have this age limits when it comes to marriage.

We all have "standards" we set, not too tall, a poet, an actor, a rock star! =) When you're 21, and someone asks you "what is it you want in a partner?" the list may go on and on, as it should! And out of the list, you'd soon realise that there are some thing too important to compromise on, and some not so. But tell this to 30 year old cousin who's married with a kid, and they'd tell you "You're just young!".

So why should my standards get lower as i age? I'm certainly the same person i used to be, with a few more wrinkles and bigger feet? The only reason i think it gets lowered is because we NEED to get married by 30! by 26, 27!! When you're in such a rush, who cares if he/she doesn't know Led Zeppelin from Boy Zone or Enid Blyton from Arundhati Roy, all you care about is she/he's fertile and ready to make some babies! She's obviously got to be bearable enough to want to hang out with..but what if it matters? These thing...books, music, it may not be significant enough for another person but it might mean a whole lot to you! And that's all that really matters!

I'm sure everyone would have enough judgement to let some things slide and some things NOT! and it's exactly these things that should never change, be it you're 30 or 40! People find love when they're 50. I'm sure they do. It's either that, or finding love with a man who's in his fifties! Shessh, the racket that would create! But seriously, who can blame us? If only all men were as mature as we are!

Anywho, i say YAY! for all the people out there that are staying true to themselves and waiting for the right one before making that leap! Be it at 27, 37 of 57...you go girl! i mean.. people!

Indian Weddings I like!

Indian weddings are the best BESTEST! It's the only time EVERYONE gets together! And if there's anything I like, its a house filled with loud funny weird crazy non-privacy-respecting cousins and relatives! Well for that 3 few days at least.

I'm calculating after the recent MAJOR wedding that took place in our family, that it's just the first of MANY MANY! It just takes the first to get the ball rolling. Now, i hear my other cousins and all are under the pressure of tying the knot too. Marriage! Beautiful yet scary yet thought provoking?

I'm all up for culture! Always!! But in weddings, it perplexes me to watch cultures/traditions carried that I cant help but feel a little uncomfortable with. I cant help but find some traditions quite discriminating.

Like for instance, I noticed in most (all?) of the weddings I've been to, that the bride ALWAYS comes out for the first time as the "shy, bashful bride" . The bride looks at her feet at all costs, and if she forgets and by natural habits(ahh the horror!) starts to bring her head up, her faithful "bride's-maid" is ever ready to push that stubborn head back down. I'm thinking, it's your wedding and you should be able to see all the amazing people that came to your wedding and all those shocked/happy/jealous faces looking at you in your BEAUTIFUL saree. There's no harm in walking with your head looking at your feet, if someone is INDEED that shy, but I'm pretty sure they do it out of culture and tradition. Brides have to be shy. Chances are, you've known your partner for a nice hefty 4 years or more, so who is really EVER THAT shy?

Then there's the main event, that whole process of actually tying the knot! I know there's the washing feet ceremony that both the bride and bridegroom does for each other. And then they wear those cute toe rings for each other and all which is totally cool cause they both do it.

So I'm wondering, why is it that the "thalli" is only worn for the women? And i know older generation of women, think its an absolute CRIME to part with it on a normal day, and ESPECIALLY on an event like weddings or dinner, where ALL the what-the-hell-is-your-name relatives would be there. The "thalli" is displayed very proudly with their beautiful sarees. If a woman doesn't wear her ""thalli", something would just have to be wrong. The gossips and rumours would start.

So since only the girl wears the "thalli" then its only for the girl to give out a message , "I'm someone's wife." But wait wait, the men have their rings, but so do the women, so what is the need of this EXTRA string around someone's neck? And the absolute weird thing of how much importance and power it's given.

In a world so modern, where equality is all we strive for, definitely this tradition should be amended? I know I would feel absolutely weird if someone wear to tie something around my neck and for me to feel proud of it. If at all it should happen, I would wanna have the right to do the same.

And also, with all these snatch-thieves around, and the crime rates increasing, that we still want to wear these chunky pieces of gold chain and walk around. Surely safety must triumph over culture! And even the fact that we choose to wear them, or the rings at all times to show we're married? What exactly is the point? We NEED to show people we're married? Why? What has changed from the day before when you were merely a couple with no document forcing commitment unto your relationship?

So many things that come with marriage. I would think that the only reason sound enough to get married is in fact for security; that in the case of a spouse deceasing, you're not left to fend for yourself or with nothing to fall back on, or or security for future children.

The fact that people only live together after marriage and everything else, is merely just culture and the way each of us choose to see our roles in society. I know it's a big No - No for Indian couples to live together, before they're legally registered or engaged. It's absolutely crazy the social restraints we put on ourselves. If it feels right, do it! I am now living by a new motto : Life's too short, baby! Live it!

Then there's the walking around the fire, three times. The man leads the way, pinky finger in pinky finger with the bride. At no time in this ritual does the woman ever walk in front of the man. Why? After asking around, it makes perfect sense that this just means that the man holds the responsibility of taking care of the woman, leading in life; leading them in life, and being the leader in general maybe? Only once, i watched the girl taking over the man in the last round around the fire (watch: Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam *sappy movie that i absolutely LOVE with all its ridiculousness, forgiven because of its songs and the colours!*) just to tell her lover that the reason of this act is to die first, before him, the pain of living without him would be too much. That was the meaning of the last round. A sweet gesture but WTH? Is that the only thing we're allowed to "lead" in? I would be totally fine with my lover leading there. =)

So maybe, the women could also go three times around the fire, with them leading the way the next time.

I guess it would be a huge HuHa if someone were to alter these things, but everything starts with a first right? Cultures have been amended so many times before. We don't burn ourselves to prove our innocence or purity anymore as Sita did. We don't expect the women to have a full meal prepared on shiny silver platters for the hardworking husbands anymore or for the women to only belong in the kitchen and no where else. So traditions and cultures can be amended! as it should! All we need is a liberal/radical priest, a bridegroom up for a change and a hall full of people ready to be taken on an eye-opening journey! (*reasons provided on a projector screen)

Weddings are beautiful if someone does want to go through it. A small nice wedding ceremony joined by the utmost important people you KNOW are genuinely happy to see you getting married and not just waiting to run to that buffet table. Something simple that doesnt dig so deep into your pockets that leave you in debt for the next 10 years, that's remembered solely as the day you shoved your love down their throats!